Grandparents project 2003

Grandparents project 2003 - May update

GRANDPARENTS RAISING GRANDCHILDREN

May 2003 update

So far, workshops have been held in

Perth, Scarborough and Mandurah in Western Australia;

Davoren Park and Christie Downs in South Australia;

Bankstown, Shellharbour, Penrith, Lismore, Coffs Harbour and Nowra in New South Wales

Townsville, Gold Coast, Logan, Maroochydore and Springwood in Queensland

Caulfield and Morwell in Victoria

The workshops have had a wonderful added benefit – grandparents share useful information about services, support groups etc. so that a network is forming across the country. Contact the following for information about support groups and support services for grandparent raising their grandchildren in your local area:

New South Wales: Seniors Information Service 13 1224; www.infoseniorsnsw.org.au

Queensland: Seniors Inquiry Line 1300 13 55 00; www.seniorsenquiryline.com.au

South Australia: Seniors Information Service (08) 8232 1441 or 1800 636368; www.seniors.asn.au

Tasmania: COTA Tasmania 6228 1897; http://www.tased.edu.au/tasonline/cotatas/

Victoria: Seniors Information Service 1300 13 50 90; http://www.cotavic.org.au/seniorsinformation/index.html

Western Australia: Grandcare 1800 008323

See also a fact sheet – Myth buster – Grandparents as Parents and the notes from the Logan Talking Group of indigenous grandmothers to give us all hope for the future.

From the workshops

Well over 300 grandparents have contributed to this project so far, attending workshops during April and May and returning questionnaires about their experiences and needs. The oldest grandparent is 82 years old and the youngest grandchild 12 weeks old. Nearly 60% are raising more than one grandchild. In fact, there are a number of grandparents raising up to six grandchildren. About 38% are doing on their own, mostly grandmothers, but a few sole grandfathers as well.

Across Australia, grandparents have the same issues relating to the legal and child protection systems, financial difficulties and concerns for their grandchildren. And their suggestions for what would make life easier are consistent as well. For example,

usually not eligible for legal aid, cost of private legal advice, custody issues, Family Court and children's court costs, delays

Grandparents' rights & responsibilities, having no status yet expected to take responsibility with little or no support

lack of financial support, unfair means tests

impact on personal finances – forced retirement, going into debt, erosion of retirement assets, cost of raising a child

impact on personal life, no respite, personal relationships affected

lack of support services for traumatised grandchildren

Workshops are scheduled over the next few weeks in Adelaide and Ballarat but the project is now moving to the report writing stage. Grandparents are still invited to complete a questionnaire and email it to the Project Officer up to the end of June 2003.

NOTE:

Many grandparents are concerned about being able to afford computers for their grandchildren. A number of organisations sell cheap recycled computers and printers to people on low incomes. The National Office for the Information Economy has a list at http://www.noie.gov.au/projects/access/Access/subsidised_comp.htm

Notes from learning circle of indigenous grandmothers in Logan, Queensland – 1/4/03

This learning circle of five indigenous grandmothers was held in a small park in Logan city. The sun shone. Food was shared. Three of their grandchildren played happily together watched over by a friend. And the women talked and laughed, often talked all at the same time, cried a little …. and talked some more. This, they said, was the first time that anyone outside of their circle had sat with them and listened to their experiences of raising their grandchildren.

The following notes do not go anywhere near doing justice to all that was said. But I have tried to capture some of the spirit of what was shared so openly and honestly.

Issues encountered

Legal:

When applying for custody of grandchildren (eg father in jail, mother has had a breakdown), no problem with getting legal aid. "I put my case strong right from the start. Said exactly what I wanted."

Need to do all the paper work properly first. This makes it (the process) clearer.

Do not need a parenting plan. "I use my skills and knowledge as a mother and grandmother. I need to be strong."

When deciding re custody standard of housing should not be one of the most important issues. "The people in power need to realise we have our own culture. We will take all our family in regardless of our house size."

We do not know our rights if anything happens to the parents (current informal arrangement re care). There is now no Legal Aid office at Woodridge; we have to go into Brisbane. "I can't sleep at night for worrying about it all."

Parenting:

Calling grandfather "dad" causes problems with the father who gets very angry. "But we reared her up. She was given to us personally and she is very attracted to her grandad. They (other family members) need to mind their own business. When she goes to her other grandparents they put a lot of silly things in her head about who to call mum and dad, etc. They want to dictate her life."

We need to understand how these children think and feel and "let them speak their mind."

"When the mother died a lot of things were not properly organised and that has continued to cause problems."

They are so used to being flogged (getting a good hiding) by their father. As grandparents we want them to experience a different approach. We give them a lot of loving. They don't know how to love ("they were afraid to hug their mum"). If we have to smack them, we explain why.

Financial issues:

All aboriginal children are good at/keen on sport. Our grandchildren show lots of potential – could be good runners or good swimmers. But it is a BIG problem to find the money to pay for their sports fees, uniforms, etc. Swimming costs $80 per child for 3 months. Several children could have gone in the squad but their grandparents could not afford it.

Sometimes we would like to have a break but need some money to buy milk and bread to give to relatives for helping out with looking after the children. And we don't always have the money to buy extra food.

Many indigenous grandparents have one or both parents and the grandchildren living with them. Sometimes these grandparents have full-time responsibility for the children for intermittent periods of time (eg father in jail and mother goes into a mental hospital for a few months). This can be very financially stressful, a big problem. On the other hand, "I got my daughter's pension when she went away for 3 months – she said that was OK – so there wasn't a problem."

Other issues:

Need more rights for grandparents. "Instead of the coppers or DOCS taking the children when the parents are in trouble they should let them go to their grandparents. We love our grandchildren and can show them what love really is."

We need to have a rest now and then! But it is hard to organise any break.

What keeps us going?

"They do!!!" They give lots of hugs and say "I love you, Nana" – get to my soft spot.

They have to be fed, etc, so I just get on and do it.

They love their nanny's smell, love to hop into bed.

We love our kids but our grandchildren are even more precious.

Being older (and having worked through some personal issues) brings its own wisdoms. "What we missed out on with our own children we now have with our grandchildren. We are more able to show them how much we love them."

"We have a vision. We all share a common goal. It's really pretty simple. We want to break the cycle of violence, drugs, etc, and have our grandchildren live happily and healthily."

We really enjoy our grandchildren.

We talk 1:1, are open to talking about things with one another, get a lot of support from each other. We get support from our extended families.

We can laugh and joke with our grandchildren. We can open up, speak the truth and try to deal with it.

Sometimes someone will make a really positive comment, eg a white grandmother said, "I really admire you."

What would help us cope better?

We need to be more aware of our rights as grandparents.

We need to get away and have a rest. Then, when we get home, we'd be ready to go again. Need a place to go to have a rest. One of the relations would look after the children. Govt. should provide this for all grandmas. We would only need to go for the weekend ("After 2 days I'd start to worry about the kids"). A big house near the beach or in the bush where 6 o so grandmothers could go at a time. Perhaps we could stay a whole week!!

As indigenous women we have seen and now understand violence so we are better able to cope when our grandchildren are ill-treated/abused. However, we still need support to protect them from drugs, etc. We want to get them away from all of that.

We want it to be easier for us to obtain custody if they (the parents) can't look after our grandchildren or abuse them. We are trying to create change, to break the cycle of drugs and abuse and stuff.

Would be interested to meet with non-indigenous grandparents. "They are battlers, too!"

Facilitator's comment

There is still a powerful cultural stereotypes that continues to condemn Aborigines as thoughtless and feckless, living a second-class existence. Aboriginal women are often seen as having nothing much to offer in a rapidly changing world. But this small group of women were assertive, powerful, feisty, strong in their nurturing of their families and having a clear vision of how they want their grandchildren to live, survive and thrive in today's, and the future, world. This, I think, is (at least in part) due to the fact that they are part of an indigenous women's group which has assisted them to work through their own issues related to family violence and abuse. Their bottom line is that, having worked through these issues for themselves, they are now very clear that they are in a strong position to help their grandchildren to break the cycle of violence and abuse. And they want to ensure that they are given the right to do this.

With regard to hearing this group of women identify the above issues, I was in a fortunate position in that I have worked with some of them in the past. So there was a relationship of trust already built. I also had an indigenous woman co-facilitating the discussion.

Part way through the session I realised that one of the women was, in fact, not a grandmother but a great-aunt. But the issues for her were the same as for the others so I have included her comments.

My sincere thanks to these amazing women for their extremely generous sharing of their experiences, the challenges that they face, their wisdom and their hopes and for allowing me to gain some further insight into the way they maintain their strength through culture, language and tradition.

Indigenous grandmothers have a lot to offer to, and learn from, their fellow Australian grandparents and this group expressed a strong desire for a follow-up meeting with a mixed group for fellowship and sharing.

Diana East, Project Worker
COTAQ

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COTA National Seniors Policy Secretariat (formerly Council on the Ageing (Australia))
Level 2, 3 Bowen Crescent, Melbourne Vic 3004
Tel (03) 9820 2655 Fax (03) 9820 9886
email cota@cota.org.au
www.cota.org.au